


lost souls (and how to mend them)

by starsurge



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, non soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 14:36:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14771531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsurge/pseuds/starsurge
Summary: two missing pieces of a puzzle fitting together.jihoon's the odd one out; always has been, always will be.or: a soulmates-non-soulmates nielwink au





	lost souls (and how to mend them)

daniel first notices that something's off during the most miscellaneous moment.

they're on their way home from the amusement arcade. it was daniel's idea to take them out to an activity that involves their favorite pastime while still being away from their shared apartment. even a homebody like jihoon needs to change his surroundings sometimes before rotting away on the couch and so daniel has dragged him out of the apartment after using some coaxing words on his boyfriend.

it has been a perfect day, daniel almost dares to say. for a few hours they've spent playing retro games and the likes before dropping by their favorite ramen place. with full bellies and some in-taken alcohol, they decided to call it a day as the sun started to set and illuminate the restaurant in a pretty pink glow. 

they have almost made it home when jihoon suddenly stops in his tracks -- and stares. 

stares at the huge ad hanging on a wall, the poster ripped at the corners and the color fading from the weather conditions it has been under. 

"hey," daniel takes jihoon side and throws his arm over jihoon's broad shoulders, pressing the smaller boy closer to his body. "aren't you cold? we should hurry up, we're almost at our flat." 

for a few dragged out seconds there's silence hanging heavy over them like a blanket before jihoon snaps out of it and blinks up at daniel with doe eyes. the corner of his lips quiver into a weak smile but neither of them comment on his sudden mood drop.

instead jihoon bumps his hips against daniel's and lets out an airy laugh, commenting on how it's impossible to feel cold if he has a big puppy clinging to his side. "your body heat can make up for two people, you know that?"

daniel joins jihoon in his laughter and it goes back to being all fun and games.

they don't talk about the incident but daniel knows -- he knows how the words "two halves becoming one with just one click" can and will strike a cord in jihoon.

 

* * *

 

everything falls back into place. 

but is it really possible if nothing has ever been right from the start?

jihoon doesn't bring up the slip-up ever again and daniel doesn't want to overthink the incident. deep down inside he's aware that he has to talk to jihoon.

it's easier said than done. besides, actions speak volumes louder than words ever could.

he decides to up his love game. showers jihoon with affection, takes more time out of his schedule to spend the early summer days with his one and only.

one day they visit the newly opened cat café, share stories and smiles over coffee, cake and clingy felines napping on their laps. another day they have a walk in the park, with daniel buying them ice cream on their stroll, strawberry ice flavor for jihoon and chewing gum flavor for himself. on a free evening daniel takes jihoon out to a fancy restaurant with his hard earned pocket money, both of them dressed up in suits that have been collecting dust in their closet.

it's on a weekend after exams that they take the train to busan. daniel has been yearning to visit his mother again as well as his friends back in his hometown; even so he wishes to have jihoon on his side, which is why he takes the younger boy with him.

mother kang takes them in with open and welcoming arms, feeds them with only the best home-made meals, and embarrasses her son teasingly with the help of past stories and jihoon. no matter how many times jihoon has met daniel's mother already, it seems as if she only shares facets of her son's childhood bit by bit with him. the thrill of getting to know daniel better every time keeps jihoon on his toes and has him looking forward to dinner and lunch with his mother whenever they're back in busan.

"i used to tell my baby that there are bad creatures in the sea at night. in the end he never wanted to go out for a swim anytime." she reveals and grins playfully at her son, who has turned into a ripe tomato from the embarrassment and naive choices of his past. but if him being the laughing stock means a happy jihoon who dissolves into a fit of giggles, daniel would gladly take the fall and his dignity along the way.

later that evening they're at the beach to watch the sunset, reflecting on the sea and bathing the horizon in a hue of pink and orange. the last rays of sunshine graze their bare skin, just the right amount of warmth to spread contentment.

"it's funny." jihoon whispers into the breeze of the sea, his eyes never tearing away from the beautiful sight in front of them. for daniel, the prettiest sight is the one next to him; not even a spectacle of nature is able to compare in his eyes. "isn't it ironic that we first met on my beach trip with friends even though you apparently used to be afraid of coming here?"

caught off guard, daniel tilts his head to the side in confusion, eyebrows drawn in together and frown prominent on his face. he hadn't thought that jihoon would think about their conversation with his mother hours later. the younger boy really is always full of surprises.

"i suppose so. fate surely does work in funny ways, doesn't it?"

the rhythmic noises of waves clashing against the rocks on the beach defeans the silence around them, 

sharp inhale. slow exhale. the calm before the storm.

"yeah. it's fate that brings one together, isn't it? everything is written in the stars."

gaze trailing over the sky in search of the first sparks of celestial bodies, jihoon's profile looks ethereal in the glow of the sun and moon coming together. his eyes contain the whole galaxy and put the sky on earth to shame; daniel loses himself in their magnitude that is lost to its owner.

"that's not what i meant. you know that it's just an idiom."

words and feelings are swallowed up by their mouths, desperate noises carried on by the breeze to the infinity of the sea.

 

* * *

 

on the first day of their summer break jihoon takes daniel out to an american diner.

he wants to pay his boyfriend back for all the dates prior; jihoon may be a broke college student, but he’s not broke enough to let daniel pay for anything and everything. the diner’s relatively cheap but the quality is much better than one would expect. it’s their go-to place to satisfy their cravings for the best fast food only.

they’re both two burgers in when someone approaches their table -- or rather approaches daniel.

“heyy,” the person drags out the greeting in a theatrically voice, a soft smile tugging on his lips. “long time no see. how have you been?”

daniel’s eyes light up as he looks up at the man. simultaneously, jihoon’s stomach drops at the sight. there’s a contracting feeling in his chest; tight, so tight, leaving him with no room to breathe.

his inner turmoil goes unnoticed by daniel who rather seems pleasingly surprised with the addition to their table. normally one would feign interest at meeting an old acquaintance outside; it’s the exact opposite for daniel, who welcomes the coincidence as if he’s been waiting eagerly to see the man again.

“it’s been the same as always. you know how it is, seongwoo.” seongwoo hums to show his interest in the conversation, while daniel’s fond smile only grows bigger. “i couldn’t be any happier with jihoon on my side.”

leaning over the table, daniel refocuses his attention on the younger boy and takes jihoon’s smaller hand into his own, interlocking their fingers gently. his stupid big smile stays plastered on his face but it only has jihoon feeling worse; suffocated.

jihoon diverts his eyes from daniel under the pretense of bashfulness and pulls back from the hold that feels like an iron grip on him.

“i’ll take this as my cue to leave.” seongwoo diffuses the awkward atmosphere and pats daniel’s shoulder comfortingly, the other boy relaxing under seongwoo’s touch. his hand lingers there for a few more seconds than needed but neither of them seem to notice. of course they wouldn’t mind showing signs of closeness to each other; it’s merely jihoon making a mountain out of a molehill.

they exchange a few more words; the topic being mainly about seongwoo’s life. daniel apologizes for not being up to date but it only has the older boy laughing, so softly and endeared. it takes just one coincidental meeting and a few minutes for them to fall back into their pace; into their comfortable teasing, their openness to each other, the smiles and laughters only reserved for each other.

two missing pieces of a puzzle fitting together.

jihoon’s the odd one out; always has been, always will be.

 

* * *

 

coincidentally, they met by the sea.

an insignificant meeting in the greater scheme of the universe falling out of place but thriving for the purpose that has been given by its protagonists.

jihoon and his friends had decided to give busan a visit for a few days after their high school graduation as a celebration. it had been a hot summer and nothing sounded better than going to the beach for a swim to cool off and to relax in the sun afterwards.

on the second day of their trip jihoon met daniel, or better said, noticed him.

it was hard to not notice the tall boy from behind the ice cream stand counter. not if he was staring at jihoon the whole time with a shy smile on his face, bunny teeth peeking out and giving him an innocent image despite his broad and big build.

donghan was the one who bumped his shoulders against jihoon's to point out his far away admirer while he directed a teasing smirk at jihoon. woojin was the one who brought up the dare to embarrass jihoon in front of the “ice-cream stall boy” and the rest pressured jihoon into accepting and following through.

sometimes jihoon really wondered why he had bothered surrounding himself with those people.

the dare went a little bit like this: jihoon trudged over to the ice cream shop which apparently startled the only worker there. it almost gave jihoon himself a whiplash how quickly the cashier was up from his seat, small dog in arms. realizing that he wasn't supposed to play with the owner's dog, the boy let go of the pet, and asked jihoon for his order, bunny smile never leaving his lips.

shrill clattering of coins hitting a glass surface filled the small space and with the driest voice he could muster, jihoon asked for every flavor that was available.

instead of showing annoyance at the costumer, or thinking that he's weird, the ice-cream stall boy suddenly broke out into laughter; full, deep and warm. there was no condescending tone lying underneath; just a boy laughing good-willed about the sheer ridiculousness of the situation he was faced with.

jihoon really couldn't help but to join the other as he felt his built-up walls crumble from the fulfilling feeling of contentment that was spreading in himself.

after they had calmed down enough, sunny boy did as he was told and even helped jihoon carry the ice cream to the younger boy's friends. on the way to the group jihoon finally found out his admirer’s name -- daniel it was.

once back to his friends, jihoon was met with childishness for taking daniel with him. despite the teasing and the obvious innuendos, daniel was laughing again, the same casual laugh, and it never failed to tug on jihoon's heartstrings in a good way.

everything was going well up to the point jihoon asked for daniel's phone number. the other boy agreed to the exchange after some playful contemplation to put jihoon into a sweat. he wasn't an easy catch after all, that's what daniel had argued teasingly.

just as jihoon wanted to save in his number in daniel's phone, all his focus was directed to one of his contact names.

 _soulmate_ _♡_

jihoon's heart instantly plummeted into the pit of his stomach. however he sucked up his insecurities to at least give daniel his number, having felt the other boy's stare resting on his frame.

days had passed and never once did jihoon think about messaging daniel, knowing all too well that his intentions would be futile on someone who had found his other half already.

it wasn't until about a week and a half later that jihoon's view of the world had been bent.

_so that whole beach thing was just a front? you're too chicken or what?_

in every other case jihoon would have been feisty, replying with an equally rude text message. but maybe for once he deserved to be called out after giving the boy in busan hopes only to crush them with silent treatment right after.

_i figured that i shouldnt come between you and... you know._

never once in his life had jihoon expected an answer so direct from happy-go-lucky daniel.

_what should i have expected, everyone's the same. but you know what? soulmates don't mean shit to me._

it was the beginning of something beautiful.

 

* * *

 

under the dim light of the night lamp two bodies find their sanctuary in each other’s warmth.

desperate lips move in a familiar dance, hot and heavy, and hands trace the map that is the bare skin under light clothes. jihoon is hanging relentlessly onto daniel’s mouth, swallowing the other’s noises of pleasure, savoring them with each and every passionate kiss. 

tongues roll against each other, one time as if they’re both burning up with the restless need to go up in flames together. in next moment, their lips mold into fitting shapes, exploring each other as if they have all the time in the world. just languid motions, letting the intoxication spread through their bodies until it’s seeping deep into their bones.

jihoon feels delirious, the only thing grounding him being daniel’s strong arms wrapped around his waist. the other boy’s large palm feels scorching hot on jihoon’s lower back; has him arching his spine and pushing against daniel’s front.

biting down on jihoon’s plush bottom lip, daniel groans from the sudden friction, and breaks off the kiss not without a string of saliva still connecting them. out of reflex, jihoon cleans his wet and swollen cherry-red lips with the back of his hand, while looking down at daniel with glassy eyes.

daniel looks absolutely beautiful in jihoon’s eyes: traces of their passionate kisses still lingering behind, eyes of a warm brown hardening at the edges and silently watching over jihoon’s every move in a predatory way. but jihoon knows better: just a tug on daniel’s raven hair with measured force has him throwing his head back and baring his neck to the boy on top, giving permission to control him and lead the night.

encouraged by the submission to him, jihoon continues his ministrations on the canvas that is daniel’s body by kissing down his neck. sucking pretty red bruises into the unblemished skin, drawing out beautiful noises only meant for jihoon’s ears. his artistic work moves on to daniel’s prominent collarbones before the other’s loose t-shirt is off and discarded to the floor with an almost inaudible _thump._

daniel’s chest is glistening from the sweat running down his exposed skin; fine hair stands up on its ends from jihoon’s teasing touches. sucking in a sharp breath, daniel fails to lay still on his back when jihoon’s mouth makes its way down south, claiming every untouched spot along possessively.

fingers are tapping against daniel’s thighs impatiently as soon as jihoon is mouthing on the other boy’s toned stomach and without any shame, he responds by spreading his legs as widely as he can. jihoon’s fitting comfortably in the free space but his hands freeze on daniel’s waistband to look up at his boyfriend with innocent eyes from under his long eyelashes.

it’s nothing more than an act to rile daniel up, who responds so expressively by whining in an embarrassingly high-pitched and pushing his hips up to get his message across.

taking mercy on the boy underneath him, jihoon crooks his fingers and slips them into daniel’s sweats, pulling them down slowly while scratching teasingly along the supple skin.

only when daniel’s sweats are down to his knees does jihoon change to a quick pace of stripping the other and soon after his hot breath is ghosting over daniel’s cock.

jihoon looks so sinful in the dim light casting shadows on the contours of his face, his mouth agape without touching the aroused area, and his stare heavily focused on daniel’s lower region. it has daniel squirming in his place; winding around and hopelessly trying to reach for more.

suddenly, jihoon freezes up, breath hitching at the back of his throat. his eyes go wide, pupils shaking and lips quivering vigorously.

in the next moment, there’s a sharp pain shooting through daniel’s hip bone, fingers curling right into daniel’s marked skin, before jihoon pushes himself away and tumbles away to the edge of the bed.

everything is going so fast: one moment the atmosphere is full of sexual tension, the next one it’s tense and heavy for all the wrong reasons.

jihoon curls up inwards, pulling his knees to his chest and propping his chin on top, his gaze unfocused and without any direction.

 _breathe_. it’s getting so hard to breathe. the same feeling of suffocation has tightened up his chest and crushed his lungs.

uncomfortable silence settles over them, only the faint traffic sounds from outside the apartment fills the room. both of their heavy breathing mingle together; the slight difference being that daniel catches himself quicker than the startled boy.

“jihoonie,” daniel tries to call for the other in a gentle voice, careful as to not worsen the situation. “jihoon, please. talk to me. please let me know why you’re hurting so i can help you.”

talking sounds great. talking sounds rational and the way to go to clear up jihoon’s insecurities. talking sounds accusing and overbearing to one that’s going through an inner turmoil.

jihoon doesn’t even know where to start. there’s a tornado of emotions inside himself leaving only chaos and destruction. no start and no end to pinpoint out his internal conflict.

dragging daniel into his downfall is no option to jihoon.

“i need- i need space.” voice rough and almost cracking from the bile in his throat, jihoon’s body works on autopilot and his only instinct is to flee and get away from daniel immediately.

before he can make his way outside the bedroom, daniel reaches out for jihoon’s wrist and holds him back with a desperate grip, but he lets go when jihoon yanks his own hand away forcefully.

in the end there are two lost souls left behind and the bond connecting them loosened from the self-imposed damage.

 

* * *

 

like a puzzle, all the pieces come together in the end.

the sudden solitariness. while daniel has never been bothered by jihoon's urge to spend time alone, it has never resulted in completely shutting him out. he's always liked daniel's silent company regardless yet nowadays jihoon tenses up just by being in the same room with him.

daniel doesn't remember the last time he has come close to jihoon, not even mentioning touches or kisses. in the morning, he usually leaves the apartment after a kiss to jihoon's cheek; recently jihoon is always out of the house before daniel's out of the bathroom.

in the rare moments that they are actually together in the same apartment, the same room, jihoon spaces out during their conversations moreso than actually participating. daniel is already walking on eggshells, making sure to never mention anything that has set off jihoon's behavior change, but that doesn't stop jihoon from being hyper aware to the problem in other outlets.

jihoon's inner conflict all accumulates into the moment that daniel decides to draw the line for good.

after days of silence for most part, daniel has managed to talk jihoon into a movie evening. _it's been so long and i bought black panther today, can we please watch it together?_ it was all that’s needed to get jihoon to nod his head slowly and agree to the plan. getting estranged to daniel wasn’t what jihoon was aiming for.

daniel's face lit up so brightly that jihoon couldn't help but to crack a small smile himself. no matter what daniel always manages to make jihoon's heart melt with his excitement and upbeat nature even in the hardest of times.

for once jihoon is able to relax on the couch without his body tensing up from having daniel around. while daniel leaves for the kitchen to get some snacks and drinks, jihoon closes his eyes to gather all the good vibes and fall back into balance.

the world surrounding him fades away into seemingly nothingness until the sudden buzz of someone's phone yanks jihoon out of his trance.

with an exasperated sigh jihoon sits up and fishes for the phone on the couch table without any further thought.

jihoon really didn’t mean to spy on daniel's personal messages. only when jihoon opens the lockscreen and comes face-to-face with two messages from _ongie_ does he realize that he's unintentionally sniffled into daniel's privacy.

by the time the realization hits jihoon, the damage has already been done.

 

_nielieee i need you_

_pls call me asap_

 

the request could be about anything. seongwoo could genuinely need someone to help him out in an unfortunate situation. maybe he needs someone to pour his heart out to and who could better understand him than his own soulmate?

but that's exactly what jihoon's afraid of. the whole reason that he's distanced himself from daniel and the whole reason for his inner conflict that has been eating away on his sanity for days.

_daniel and seongwoo are soulmates. daniel and jihoon are not._

according to the universe they shouldn't even be together. they should find their soulmates and grow old and happy with them. the number one purpose in life is to find your other half who has been determined by the stars.

jihoon couldn't ever give daniel what his soulmate is able to give him.

maybe one day daniel will be in the same position as jihoon and he doesn't want to put him through the same insecurities.

their love is what binds them despite the nonconformity to society and all the powers in the vast universe.

what if it's not enough? what if he isn't enough?

what if...

"you and i are going to talk now." daniel's sharp voice cuts through the thick haze consuming jihoon and the hardened contours of his face invade jihoon's view. "you can't go on with this self-destruction. it's about this soulmates bullshit, isn't it? since when do you care about it?"

from the older boy's tone, jihoon can make out that he's angry. angry at him or angry at the world? maybe both. maybe even angry at himself. but daniel's trying to hold himself back; his jaw tightens and his lips fall open for another comment, but no sound comes out of his mouth. whatever daniel has decided to not say out loud -- jihoon has a feeling that he should be glad that daniel is careful with his usual honesty that can border brashness.

he out of all people knows that the intensity in daniel's eyes stem from worry. eyes that search for the truth and the cause of hurt. the way daniel has his hands resting on jihoon's knees comfortingly and the way he's leaning slightly forward to show openness and vulnerability by being so close shows jihoon that daniel is willing to talk.

if jihoon doesn't take daniel's hand, he'll never escape the spiral of negativeness downwards.

"i've always cared... how could i not? do you think it's so easy to ignore that you've found your soulmate already?"

finally the truth is out and there's no more chance to take his words back. they're bitter -- accusing even. it's certainly nothing that daniel deserves as he's has never warranted to be put into such a situation.

neither does jihoon deserve the pressure that society is putting on him everywhere and every time, having planted the seed of doubt even before meeting daniel.

it's not daniel's fault nor is it seongwoo's.

they're merely part of the system as is jihoon with a person he has yet to meet. the mark on his ankle is the only thing reminding him of the inevitable.

"jihoon, look at me." by now daniel sounds pleading and desperate as is his shaking hand searching for jihoon's. they interlace fingers soon after, which works as a grounding point for both of them.

daniel's eyes are filled with anxiousness and it hurts jihoon that he is the reason behind it.

"i know it's hard to ignore what society is funneling into our brains. sometimes i'm so scared of losing you to your soulmate that i wonder why am i even doing this to myself. why we're having this relationship. but you know what? i wouldn't ever trade you for someone else."

daniel's words are raw and his expression remains serious throughout his whole little speech. feelings are laid out in the bare open, exposed. jihoon can either crush them or return them.

or maybe he can protect daniel's fragile feelings in his palm.

"i have been unfair to you the past few days. i'm so... sorry." even if his voice breaks at the end, jihoon is proud of himself for putting aside his pride and insecurities to apologize. he's been too hard on not only himself but on daniel as well. "it's just... i'm scared of losing you and the thing with soulmates only worsens this fear."

before he knows it, jihoon's shaking body is grounded in daniel's arms, his head resting lifelessly on daniel's firm chest. the fabric of daniel's t-shirt soaks up jihoon's silent tears like a sponge; neither of them comment on jihoon's display of vulnerability.

instead daniel rocks them back and forth, gentle and comforting, while shushing jihoon's sobs quietly. his hold on jihoon's smaller frame tightens and daniel buries his nose on top of jihoon's hair, leaving small kisses on the crown of his head.

they stay woven together until jihoon has calmed down enough that his breath is regulated and his body lays limp in daniel's protective and warm embrace.

"i love you, park jihoon. i love you with all of my heart and nothing will ever change this." daniel muses with confidence in his voice while jihoon chooses to only listen, taking in each and every word to preserve them in the back of his mind, the back of his heart.

"but no matter what i say, i know it'll take time to heal. time until you can raise above your worries and struggles. one confession won't erase the doubts. i, however, promise you that i'll always be here to take you by your hand. now and always."

if not for the fact that he is sure this is how daniel shows sincerity, jihoon would have hit his chest out of embarrassment and call him out for being too cheesy.

alas he hugs daniel closer to himself and finally feels as if he can breathe.

"maybe we aren't soulmates but we chose to be written in the stars. our love is stronger than the marks on our bodies."

jihoon finally feels as if nothing can ever bring them apart again.

it's them against the world; not because they have been determined to be so, but because they've chosen to walk the path of life together.

 

_fin._

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this prompt: [x](http://otpprompts.tumblr.com/post/174191576728/we-may-not-have-been-destined-to-be-written-in)
> 
> as always you can find me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/sagglxy)


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